Week 19 | I Will Not


...i s to write your own  I WILL NOT  list or take a photo of something you will not do.  Another load of laundry?  Bite your nails?  Yell.  Let insignificant people consume your mind.  Feel like you're not enough.  Whatever it is, own it.  It's your list.

--Shawn @ AA|P52

{Is it a bad sign when I start a post with a digression before I even get to the purpose and intent of the post?}  I started straight-away with a list, but in purging my brain onto the keypad, I realized that I have come a long way.  That there were some more chaotic phases of motherhood that I was in prior…and, admittedly even prior to that, where my inner balance was tipped too far to one side (pick a side, a lack of balance doesn't discriminate).   Sure, there are life events that put us in a position to be leaning far to one side, but hopefully it is a phase we can buckle down for, then reap its benefit in the form of seeking equilibrium in our newly enriched reality.  For me, grad school and motherhood have been big, adult-sized life challenges that tipped me faaaaar to one side, perhaps even teetering a bit back-and-forth.   And while those two examples come to mind, there are many more, on levels of their own life-altering potential that deserve my acknowledgment for the enlightenment they brought to my life as I sought that balance again.  As I get older and wiser (though not yet wise), I find that I do best when my Libra scales are even. So, whether it is apparent in my list below or not…you are seeing the end result of my having achieved some level, big and small, of balance.  


Neglect myself.

Resort to yelling when I have a more controlled method to try first.  Or second.  Or third.

Spend my time wastefully.

Allow the actions of others to ruin my day, my afternoon, my morning, my hours, my minutes, my moments (work in progress -- WIP). 

Choose a queue from my electronic device over a queue my child unless absolutely, ABSOLUTELY necessary.

Diminish the fact that I work -- to myself, to others, to my children.

Play the working-parent-guilt game; I will not parent my child from a place of guilt.

Allow my children's mal-behavior to ruin my mood (WIP).

Skip breakfast.

Take my husband for granted.

Underestimate the power of my words, my tone, my body language.

Underestimate the power of playing with my daughters, on their terms.

Put myself in a position to rush.

Take my friendships for granted.

Take my family for granted.

Default to that indecisive/indifferent/somewhat pathetic I-dont-care-lets-do-what-everyone-else-wants-to-do every time.

Take my own wants and desires for granted.

Guilt my child into doing right.

Look at that thing that needs to be put away, but leave it there.  Again. 

Be afraid to follow my creative ideas.

Ignore the voice in my head that says, "let it go". (WIP)

Underestimate the power of a hug, a smile, a kind word, a written note, a compliment.  

Be harder on myself than I would want my sister/friend/daughter to be on themselves.

Judge, gossip. 

Ever find an end to this list.

 © Houseman 2013