Note [Wink] to Self

Have you ever found yourself reacting to your kids in a way that is screaming for attention?  

That is begging for someone to say, "I totally understand why this is frustrating right now".

Except that you are the only adult around to listen to yourself.

And you can't seem to be able to give yourself the affirmation that "I totally understand why this is frustrating right now" in the same way that it would feel to get from someone else.  Another adult.  Who gets it.  Who sees what you are seeing.

However, the way you are reacting to your children is not exactly how you would react if that other adult were around.  

You might be cooler, calmer, more steady, less dramatic, less reactive, more intuitive.  Because, well, someone else is watching.  No need for the hair pulling, hands in the air throwing, stair stomping dramatics because, chances are, they understand and agree that this moment is a tough one.  

I have thrown these adult tantrums. Uh huh.  

And I'm not very proud of it.  

I'm at the phase in my recovery where I can be aware of my tantrum, but can't always stop it.  As if I'm racking up the drama points to tell myself in a story later.

Except I don't really want to hear that story anymore.  

Maybe if I ignore myself, my poor behavior will go away.  

Maybe I'll learn to be the adult, to act like one, to be content with my own adult affirmation that "this is a really frustrating moment right now". 

I'll give myself a wink next time, and spare the drama.  

I'll keep you posted on how it goes. 

 © Houseman 2013