Dear Eldest



I was hard on you today, as I have been.

I've called it sassiness, I've called it being rude, I've even told you that it hurts my feelings.  

And in the blank stare that you gave me as I explained that I want you to try to find a better way to talk to me, to respond to me, to react to my appropriate requests, while I trudged through my explanation of what respect is and feels like and looks like and sounds like, I felt as empty and blank as the look on your face.

I know the reason why you have been sassy and rude to me.

It's because I have been sassy and rude to you.

I felt it today, before I got upset with you.  It was a whisper in my thoughts, as I was responding to your requests for more to eat, more fun, more MORE.  The whisper said, pay attention to your body language, is it familiar?  Pay attention to how you are responding to her, with annoyance, lassitude and disrespect.  

And so I come clean to you, while you sleep, like a whisper in your dreams.  This written word will be how I hold myself accountable to you and your ever-seeking zest for attaining more out of your life.  

I am so sorry.  

I will change me first, and I will be patient with how you respond, because I trust and know that we both can do better, and I will show you how, I will BE better.

And because I know you have already forgiven me, I will take a lesson from you, and forgive me too.  

I look forward to seeing your sweet face and starting new in the morning.


With my heart

Mom


 © Houseman 2013